Angst and the Spiritual Doldrums

Angst: 

a feeling of anxiety, apprehension, or insecurity (teenage angst), according to Mirriam Webster.  

Spiritual: 

  1. of, relating to, consisting of, or affecting the spirit :  incorporeal spiritual needs

  2. a. of or relating to sacred matters spiritual songs b :  ecclesiastical rather than lay or temporal spiritual authority lords spiritual

  3. concerned with religious values

  4. related or joined in spirit our spiritual home his spiritual heir

  5. a. of or relating to supernatural beings or phenomena b :  of, relating to, or involving spiritualism :  spiritualistic

Doldrums: 

  1. a spell of listlessness or despondency fighting off the winter doldrums

  2. often capitalized, oceanography :  a part of the ocean near the equator abounding in calms (see 1 calm 1b), squalls, and light shifting winds

  3. a state or period of inactivity, stagnation, or slump out of the economic doldrums

So, lately and uncharacteristically, I'm waking up feeling sad, anxious, listless, disconnected and dispirited.  I think these three definitions pull together the sense of what's going on with me pretty accurately.

I went to the Impeachment March in downtown San Diego yesterday and immediately saw the group of men and women (boys and girls, really) who were gathered on one end and looked like they were ready to rumble.  Things moved along and got louder and louder, with oppositional forces coming into close contact.

I'm very frightened that the vitriol, the happiness displayed by the agitators who were pro-Trump, anti-impeachment... no - the glee on their faces at making an impact that schoolyard bullies must feel ...has brought me to an even deeper sense of worry and - yes - angst.  There was no way to make them shut off their bullhorns that ended up just squawking to drown out the speakers.  It was the opposite of inspiring, and it worked on me.  I left. I couldn't take the feelings of outrage, inability to effectively communicate, the impossibility of engagement or connection.  

I'm not feeling very hopeful today, so I'm making ice cream.  Peach and strawberry ice cream.